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Wednesday, September 5th, 2001

Subject:Last Live Journal
Time:12:45 pm.
Mood: sick.
Well unfortunately I will not be posting anything to here anymore. I received a very offensive comment to my last live journal and I just got this sick feeling from it. Like I was specifically targeted even though I know this jerk is just randomly going around posting disgusting comments. But I don't want to feel like that.

So this is it. good-bye.
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Tuesday, September 4th, 2001

Subject:Lots of Stuff
Time:3:34 pm.
Mood: happy.
Well the house looks awesome!! So excited to get into it and have a big house we can call our own. The inspector found minimal stuff but hopefully all will be fixed prior to the closing on Sept. 10. So excited.

Then my girlfriend finally had her baby. She was about a week over due but everything is fine. Healthy baby girl @ 8lbs. 2oz. Abigail Grace - very pretty. We'll all call her Abbey. I am excited to talk to the proud mama....one more person I can chat baby/pregnancy stuff with so that should be fun.

Matthew is in Michigan which is a bummer seeing this is the last week before the closing. He won't be able to do the final/final walk through with me but it should be pretty quick compared to the 2-1/2 hour one we had this past week.

Parker is beautiful. He is so happy all the time and is such a good baby. I am working from home this week and I am actually able to get some stuff done since he is so good about sitting in his chair and rolling around in the play pen.

I am so LUCKY!!!
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Wednesday, August 29th, 2001

Subject:Love - in the technology world
Time:11:52 pm.
Mood: weird.
I am sitting here in front of the computer @ 11:30pm knowing my hubby is watching me from Philly....weird huh? Well we have a webcam on his website and so when we finish talking I sit at the computer in front of the cam so he can see me. Well of course this is only if the DSL is working - I HATE DSL.

Anyway, it is hard to get into writing on LJ just because there are people who actually read it. So it felt ok when I didn't know who was reading but now we have friends and family who read it and I get the ol' "you haven' updated your live journal" and I am like "yeah - haven't gotten to it...." I feel weird - it like when you walk around your house semi-naked (you know from the bedroom to the bathroom) and you walk past a window....well you can't see who is looking in so for all you know no one is looking but then you see a person and it feels weird.....

Well if you didn't think I was weird before this is the one to do it. I am going to bed. Now I know why I don't want to lj....I am too revealing at times.
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Thursday, August 9th, 2001

Time:11:52 am.
Mood: pensive.
So since I started at Hewitt - we would do lunch right at 11:30 since we usually get in early and are starving at that point. I had the usual gang of people and I really felt like I started the whole lunch trend (eating the cafeteria) since we work so much - lunch is the BREAK. So why not get away from our desks for a while. I know there is the occasional - I am leaving early so I will work through lunch at my desk.

Once I moved to the Newport Beach office I had to resort to eating lunch by myself in my office since I knew no one. I tried to invite myself with some people but I felt dumb like I was forcing myself onto people. But once I got on the new team I again started the whole - we work a lot and we need a break so let's lunch in the cafeteria. Then I switched teams and the people I would goto lunch with quit. So then I got to be friends with my new team and went to lunch with them and that introduced me to a new group of people who I went to lunch with all the time.

Now I am back in Lincolnshire on a new team - a new team of people who like to eat at their desks. I occasionally get a lunch date with old friends who sit in the cafeteria but for the most part I "grab" (as they call it.) So we'll see how long this lasts. Sometimes I think, I should work through lunch so I can get home sooner and see Parker. But then I also think I need to get away from my desk so I am more productive. So here I am eating a salad and some flank steak at my desk journaling....not really working...more of a "at my desk" break?
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Tuesday, August 7th, 2001

Subject:Technology Sometimes Sucks
Time:11:11 am.
Mood:Annoyed and Excited.
Well I am at work - the new but old office. I originally worked at this office before we moved to California so it is my old office. However, I am on a new floor and team. So somethings are definitely new. And I arrived at this office a week ago and I just got access to my e-mail yesterday (yet my transfer was known to all for about a month now.) Now the network is down which means the e-mail server is down which means I cannot do anything. So silly.

We are pretty much settled into my parent's basement (our home until the house is done.) I cannot wait to get into the new house. Our own space. The baby will have his own room - finally. It will just be nice.

We had a fabulous weekend with our buddies in Michigan. I love them!!! We always have so much fun. It was one of the perks to moving back to IL - to be so close to Michigan and our friends there. We are not planning on seeing them til November - which seems so far away right now. Parker will probably be crawling by then. He has already rolled over!!! (well this is Matthew telling me - I will want to see for myself when I get home.) Matthew also told me Parker threw him a little football....so dad is very proud and anxious.
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Tuesday, July 31st, 2001

Time:1:35 pm.
Mood: lonely.
So I cannot believe I am finally here for good. I mean I knew we would move back but there were times there were I thought I would come home divorced - since Matty loved California. But then Parker came and changed everything. He is so darn cute!

Parker and I (and Speedy) flew in on Saturday. And Matty and Scotty are on their way in with the truck and car in tow. They have made some great progress. They should make it in tonight. Yeah!

Parker and I have been staying with Katie (Matty's sister) and her family and it has been so great. Katie and I stay up like to teenagers chatting all night. I am getting up 5:45am every morning but I love to talk to her. In some ways we are so alike.

I still feel like this is a short trip - like eventually I will have to pack my bags back up and leave for California - but NO MORE. Heehee. Our house is almost done - it looks fantastic. It is so big and we barely have any furniture!! But that only means we will have to buy some - FUN! (bummer everything is so expensive...)

Matthew comes home tonight. I was excited to see him but then I read his journal. He dreamt about his x-girlfriend which I know that part doesn't bother me. But what does bother me is the fact he felt strange and kept thinking about her. If I were to write anything about a boy I dated on the internet for all family and friends to see he would not be able to handle it. But that's matty for you. AND he was so moody every time he called me. I didn't know how he was going to be. One call he is fine - telling me about the trip. The next call he is asking why I am calling. The next call he is bitching at me because I did not set-up for people to help him move stuff into storage. It just put a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing - that's why I will be glad to see him but not real sure how "excited" I will be.....
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Wednesday, July 18th, 2001

Time:11:35 pm.
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Subject:Live Journal - what?!
Time:10:34 am.
Mood: weird.
Ok so it has been live 5 months since my last journal entry? Something like that. I mean Parker is now almost 4 months....so maybe it is like 4 months. Matthew has been bugging me to journal and I have been saying - who has time?!!? When I am not working, I am feeding, when I am not feeding, I am cleaning bottles. I mean come on....when I have a down moment I would prefer to catch up with my magazines, books or TV shows. Even though going back and reading my old entries from when I was pregnant is pretty fun.

What's new? Well Parker is smiling - sometimes laughing. He is 16 lbs! And has started receiving cereal by a spoon and doing very well I might add. He is so darn cute. He is so happy when he wakes up in the morning. Maybe it is because he is sleeping almost 12 hours a night!! We love it. We know this is a rarity and will not always be the case but for now we are enjoying it very much.

We are getting ready to move home!!! Chicago here we come. I am so excited to go back to my roots. California has been fin but when it comes down to it - I miss my family. And I want Parker to know his family - his cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I don't want to be known as the family from California. I have a cousin like that and no one ever sees her (not even me and we lived like a half hour from each other.) So I barely know her and all of my other family barely know her because she is the cousin who lives in California and no one ever sees her. But the weird thing is that we were out here for 2 years and I never, ever went longer than 4 months from seeing my family. Either we flew home or someone would fly here. Isn't that crazy? Matthew and I have often discussed how after we move back we will feel like we never left home. California will be a little trip we took in our heads....well more than that since we acquired Parker. I think it is cool that he will be able to say he was born in California - what a beautiful souvenir.

Packing stinks. I am so glad this is the last time for a while. I mean we are moving into our house so I don't think we will be moving from there for a while. I always imagined my kids growing up in one house. Meaning all the memories would be from this house....first communion, confirmation, senior prom, away to college, wedding...you know - cheesy stuff. But I know we never imagined we would live out in the boonies. So we will see.

All right so I lj-d as my husband likes to call it. I am not making any promises. It may be another 5 months before I journal again. Who really reads this stuff anyway? The people who do know me and know what is going on with me pretty much? Plus you wouldn't want to know too much about what goes on in this head of mine. Maybe that is why I don't make an effort.....I would scare those I love....and probably attract others I would not care to meet....see.....I gotta go.
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Wednesday, April 11th, 2001

Time:4:53 pm.
Mood: content.
Well, this is my first journal entry as a mother. I am tired but nothing I can't handle. Breast feeding exclusively is very demanding. I feel like the kid and I are attached on a 24 hour basis. But I know it is valuable bonding time together. And the nutrition he is getting is the best. He is sleeping right now with his daddy. I just took a shower and it is about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Phone rings but we don't pick up if we leave the phone upstairs or whatever.

Mom and Dad went to Las Vegas for the day. I am so happy they got to do something fun. Mom has been a huge help feeding us for the past 2 weeks. She is going to need a vacation from her vacation. She is amazing. And I don't know what I would do without her.

Well it is getting close to feeding time so I am going to close this one out. Who knows when I will be able to log on next. We goto the doctor Friday for Parker's 2 week check-up. I am eager to see how much he weighs now.
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Friday, March 30th, 2001

Subject:Day 275
Time:8:56 am.
Mood: pensive.
OK, so this is the number of days I have technically been pregnant. Can you believe that? That is a lot of days. Everyone is so anxious. People call us every day wondering what is going on...and we have to tell them we don't know. I mean I have not even hit my due date yet so technically we cannot complain. The bun in the oven is not ready. But since I was progressing so nicely everyone got thrown off - even the doctor. So we wait.

My mom and my little sister come tomorrow - yeah - a distraction!! So I will have some girls to pal around with while waiting. Matthew and I went to dinner last night probably for the last time alone. It was weird to imagine that. There was a table next to us with a group of friends and their kids. And the one family on the end had what looked like a 2 year old in a high chair. So right before we were leaving I had just happened to make eye contact with the dad as he was playing with his son. And he thought it would be funny to turn the high chair around and have the kid sit with us - "for practice," he said. We all started laughing and said "soon enough." But the poor kid did not think it was so funny. He started crying so bad. His mother had to come and get him out of the chair. As we walked past, I told the father "that is probably a good couple of years of guaranteed therapy right there." Abandonment at the age of 2 in a Mexican restaurant.
Ahhh, parenthood.......what have we gotten ourselves into.....
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Wednesday, March 28th, 2001

Subject:Counting Down the Minutes??
Time:1:11 pm.
Mood:kind of tired.
So my last day at work was Monday. I have been home for 2 days and I am running out of things to do. I mean I should be resting but it is so hard to actually schedule a nap - I hate that. I wish I had a TV in my room that way I can goto bed and watch TV and if I fell asleep then that would be my nap.

I got up this morning to the sound of the bath tub. Matthew made me a nice bath and I soaked and relaxed. The baby was quite content I would imagine since it was nice and warm on the outside as well. I ate some pancakes and watched the Price is Right.

I feel tired but I don't want to lay down - I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to take Speedy to the doggy park but I am thinking I can do that after the nap? oooh, what to do.
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Sunday, March 25th, 2001

Subject:NCAA Tourney Time
Time:12:32 pm.
Mood: impressed.
So, my friend Decker at work asks me if I pay attention to the NCAA tournament. So I ask him..."is it time for the final four thing?" He says yeah. I say "yeah, sure." When I was in high school the guys I would date would be heavily involved in pools and stuff so I would have to watch the games to hang out with them or to at least be able to discuss stuff with them. But for the most part, I love sports and I love the underdog. So I wouldn't mind watching....not to mention my dad was usually watching it too.

So I have been doing ok up until now in the office pool. The pool is being handled by Yahoo. And they have this pretty cool thing where you predict your picks and shows where you would end up. If my picks were to be correct between now and the national championship, I would rank 3rd in the office pool - just short of getting my $5 back. But out of 27 guys and gals from work - that is pretty damn impressive. Now that is if it all goes my way. We'll see.
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Saturday, March 24th, 2001

Subject:Ahhh, the Internet
Time:4:45 pm.
Mood: pleased.
So Matthew got this new cam so we can have streaming video of the baby for family in Chicago. And we called my parents to have them test it out. Well, they tried and Matthew had to fix something. So we called them back to have them try again. Well mom was no longer home so it was just dad.

So I have to explain to my dad how to dial in, launch explorer, type in Matthew's web site and logoff. My dad is not the most savviest person with the computer but he was taking notes and I hope to god he is able to log on. It is just so funny how his 3 year old probably has a better idea of what to do with the computer. But he did it.

So my pregnancy is reaching its end. And I am now getting very anxious. I mean I was progressing so fast and now I feel like I am not progressing and I am going to be pregnant forever. I want it to happen this weekend.....maybe tomorrow. So I can watch the Oscars in the delivery room and it will keep my mind off the contractions....

So my parents were able to login and see me, Matthew and Speedy on the cam moving around from Chicago which is sooo cool. I was able to show them the big belly. Technology is amazing!!!
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Thursday, March 22nd, 2001

Subject:The Big Day is Approaching
Time:8:20 am.
Mood: determined.
So I am under 2 weeks away from my due date and about a week away from the doctor's prediction. The big question is do I continue working or do I take time off to rest and have a moment to myself since I will never have one again once this baby comes? Well I am not one to sit around in terms of waiting. I get anxious. If I stay at work the days fly by and I have people to talk to and stuff to do. I came home early yesterday. There was nothing on TV, Matthew was working, so what the heck was I suppose to do - I wasn't sleepy. I was bored. Then I was up last night thinking of all the stuff I have at work to do. So I am heading back today. I am thinking I will ask the doctor what she thinks on Monday - if she tells me I can stay home then I will but until then I really do not want to make that decision. I can cut down my hours but I will not just stay home.
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Monday, March 19th, 2001

Subject:Going to the Doctor
Time:8:23 am.
Mood: excited.
So I am heading to the doctor this morning. I am first heading to work for an hour or so and then to the doctor's. Matthew is making a prediction that I have progressed much further. So we'll see what happens.

Slept ok last night. I think I finally figured out why I am not sleeping very well. I am bored with the 2 positions I can sleep in - left and right side. So boring. When I wasn't pregnant, I could sleep on my back, my sides, my tummy - whatever fancied me. Now I only have two options. And my body gets sore being on my sides for too long so I take turns. Not to mention the couple of times I wake up to head to the potty. Ahh, pregnancy. It is almost over. I finished all of the baby laundry - clothes, blankets, towels. And they are all put away. Packed my back with what I can only imagine to bring. They said to put in a coming home outfit for myself but since I know I am leaving the hospital about as pregnant as I came in - that would mean putting one of my pregnancy outfits out of commission so it can sit in a bag?!? I only have so much. So that one will be left for Matthew to deal with when I am in the hospital. Hopefully he will bring me something I can wear - not like my old prom dress.

Well, I should head to work. So hard to want to go there these days. From the moment I get there to the moment I decide to leave it is non-stop work. Since my departure is soon approaching my brain is trying to be dumped onto my replacement. It is so hard to prepare someone with everything you know. Lidja - I am sure you can relate. You just know stuff. The best I can do is have him sit with me and observe what I do and if there is anything he does not get - ASK? I am trying to document as much as I can but it gets tiresome. I am trying to get back the hours just for my back and feet's sake.

Well, I am sure Matty will fill you in on what happened at the doctor if anything.
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Friday, March 16th, 2001

Subject:Long Time No Journal
Time:8:24 am.
Mood: anxious.
Well it has been like 12 days since my last journal. I don't know why I haven't probably because Matthew is home and I going straight to bed. I used to stop off at the computer before heading to bed. But since Matthew is home the odds of him being on the computer whenever I think of it are pretty good.

It is early morning and I am waiting for Matthew to get out of the shower. He is taking me to work since we have an appointment with a candidate for the grand job of pediatrician. And the office is near my work so instead of me coming all the way back over here to pick him up he can swing by and pick me up.

Last night was not one of the best nights I have had sleeping. I could not get comfortable. I mean rolling over is a chore - I groan and whimper as I try to roll over. I cannot lay on my flat back for very long at all. Even though this is Matthew's favorite position to rub my belly. So I toss (or try to) from side to side and I am awaken each time. I couldn't even fall asleep initially. I finished one of the many baby books I have and I started a new one.

I hope my feeling about this baby coming early is true.
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Wednesday, March 7th, 2001

Time:9:53 pm.
Mood: tired.
Tonight all the shows were re-runs....bummer. So I am calling it a night early. Matthew is in Santa Barbara tonight - he decided to spend the night since the commute in the morning was closer to 4 hours than his 2 hour commute home. I usually get to bed earlier when he isn't home. He isn't one to come to bed early. I am sure it will all change once the baby gets here. 4 weeks from today.

I turn 26 on Friday. I am glad I am going to be 26 when I deliver. I would feel too young to have a child if I were 24 turning 25. And this is what Matthew thought. He thought I was turning 25 on Friday - my own husband didn't know how old I was going to be - but I am grateful he was thinking younger than older. I don't want to be thought of as older.

Went to Sushi tonight with Jen, Jeff, Alex and Itatsu. I had only cooked stuff - it was yummy. Plus it is nice to sit and bullshit with the coworkers outside of work.

Well, heading to bed now.
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Sunday, March 4th, 2001

Subject:Lamaze - Graduation!
Time:10:23 pm.
Well we have a little certificate which tells us we have successfully completed birthing class - yeah!! It was fun but I am glad we did it in a weekend I guess. I mean it was informative but maybe it would have been too dragged out over 5 weeks. We would have definitely bonded with more people if we would have done the weekly thing but that's all I feel we missed.

I was pooped today - busy weekend. With lamaze all day and the work party last night it was definitely a full weekend. Came home and Matthew made some vegan tacos (soy meat). And then we crashed for about an hour. It was nice to veg. Weekend went by too fast. Matthew will be attempting to commute to Santa Barbara this week. I think it is too dangerous - especially with the "storm" they keep talking about. I am hoping one day of back and forth will convince him it is too far to commute.

Baby is moving around a lot. Hanging out to one side more than the other. Makes my side very sore. My back isn't as bad. Learned some stuff to help that - hopefully I will not have back labor - yikes - that sounds painfully - I mean more painful than the norm.

I am heading to bed to read. That will put me right to sleep.
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Saturday, March 3rd, 2001

Subject:Damn Dress!?!?
Time:6:06 pm.
Mood: irritated.
So today we went to Lamaze - it was fun. I mean it was fun in the sense that we see all these other couples who are going through the same thing we are. And it becomes more and more real that we are having this baby so soon. It was nice that Lisa (a co-worker of mine and due 2 days after me) and her husband were in class with us so we had someone to giggle with through the breathing exercises and the movies.

So that was most of the day. Now we are getting ready for my company's annual shin-dig. And it is semi-formal. So they don't want us wearing jeans and stuff. I am all excited since I am wearing a dress I bought a while ago but have not had a reason to wear it. Well, I iron my shirt and put on the pregnancy nylons and BAM! I turn around to have Matthew zip me up and he non-eventfully says "there's a whole back here." What?!?! And he says it as if I have needle and thread lying around the house. So I take the damn thing off and sure enough since I bought it there has been a tear in it. And those damn pregnancy stores don't let you return anything once you buy it. So now I am left to find something else in the closet. I don't have much semi-formal wear. So I get out my black skirt and basic blue shirt - I look like I am going into the office. But since we have has super casual at the office since last summer I guess I will looked dressed up to the others. Ugh!

Now it is 6:03. Matthew is still running around half naked and putting his attire together. I know we will be late but that's the way Matthew likes it. We are known as the late couple wherever we go and I hate it. I cannot tell you enough how much I hate it. And with a new baby coming that only slows you down so invite us a half hour early - believe me we will show up at the intended time.
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Thursday, March 1st, 2001

Subject:My Aching Back
Time:10:00 pm.
Mood:in pain.
oooh. My back. Today has probably been one of the worst days in my pregnancy - my back is killing me. My lower back is painfully stiff. I have a hard time getting up from a sitting position. I had a very hard time sitting today at work.

So I keep going back and forth on cloth diapering. Matthew really wants to try it since it is environmentally better. Plus there are a million reasons why it is better for baby as well. I just don't know if it will be so much work that I will not be able to handle it. Plus I have images of my baby with this is big bulge in the diaper area since cotton diapers look so bulky. And it could leak too - creating more of a mess. Ugh. I have been looking into the service thing so at least I would not have to do all the laundry associated with it.

Tomorrow is Friday - Yeah!! Matthew comes home and we have Lamaze this weekend - so I am excited. Then we have my work party on Saturday night. That should be fun. It is an Oscar theme. Hopefully, I will fit into the outfit I am planning on wearing. I should try it on before then.....

Well, I am heading back to the TV to watch ER - Yahoo. New one tonight. My world revolves around the TV - if you haven't noticed.
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LiveJournal for Melissa.

View:User Info.
View:Website (matty13.com).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.